She lies on the boughs of a great old tree;
Singing low from somewhere you can't see.
The words flowing in the sweetest melody.
She is but the goddess of poetry.

She sneaks into your dreams in the darkest night,
In the form of nothing but pure light.
She takes you by the hand to show you how
To see what others can't in the world around.

She shows you life and she shows you love.
You know she must be from somewhere above.
She is both your talent and your muse;
She is all the words you want to choose.

She's the rushing river through the snow,
The warm wind in the prairie's blow.
She's the cloud that passes through the sky.
She is the truth

Goddess

by ~robostorm

Critique by ~winterkate Dec 29, 2012, 12:26:46 AM

(for SWH's critique challenge)

I definitely love the concept of writing abotu the goddess of poetry. That's fun - a really great prompt. I like how you've tackled it as well. For the most part. I love the truth hiding in the lie and the oxymoron by design - both struck me as unique and lovely lines. But I think that your rhyme scheme here is limiting you, and causing your poetry to be perhaps not as lovely as it could. Consider the 'tree/poetry' rhyme. In addition to being feminine, the tree line is a bit simple and roughshod in comparison to your other elegant descriptions. I think that losing the rhyme scheme would really help the work - but overall, I love the concept you have going.

The Artist thought this was FAIR

1 out of 1 deviants thought this was fair.

6 Replies

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~robostorm Jan 7, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

Thank you so much for the critique. I totally agree with you. The rhyme scheme was difficult to deal with however I used it to try to get used to using it ut I agree that it was quite limiting. Please feel free to critique more of my pieces (even if it is just one), I quite like your critiques, I find them quite helpful.

Thanks again
~Haley

~winterkate Jan 11, 2013 Student Writer

Hey, I'll trade you - critique for critique

I really love getting critiques too, and this seems fair. Think it would work?

~robostorm Jan 12, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

That seems like a great idea! What would you like me to critique for you?

~winterkate Jan 15, 2013 Student Writer

Wyatt, probably

it's just the latest one I have up. You?

~robostorm Jan 17, 2013 Hobbyist Writer

I guess Reasoning, it is my latest one, I might as well see how it does against scrutiny.

~winterkate Jan 19, 2013 Student Writer

Awesome! Have scrutinized

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~winterkate

Goddess

by ~robostorm

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