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Submitted on
January 11, 2013
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White-knuckled as water
hemlock hanging
onto Queen Anne's
lace perception,

you waver like a screen door, rusty
springs all choked, twisted
inside you. Roughhewn son

of bluegrass summer, flutter forth
on rotten wood heels. Eye
the thin-thin creek so nervous,
while poison wires you

ripe to run.
I am sad.
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:iconthemadmulatto:
TheMadMulatto Mar 16, 2013
Was shown this piece by a fellow writer, :icongypsy-knight:
Like your refreshing use of words quite a lot. :tribute:
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Jan 19, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I'm sorry for the uber-late reply, I've been gone for quite a while.
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:iconthemadmulatto:
TheMadMulatto Jan 19, 2014
No worries. :sun:
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Jan 20, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks so much!
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:iconbeeinthebottle:
I love the language and flow of this.
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Jan 19, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.
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:iconbloodawni:
bloodawni Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Lovely, really lovely.
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Feb 23, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much :D
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:iconbloodawni:
bloodawni Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :)
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:iconrobostorm:
robostorm Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is simply beautiful. Your use of enjambment was spot on. It worked improved the aesthetics and the overall flow so this is amazingly done technically speaking. Personally (and this is simply personal preference, I would capitalize each line but really that is just me.

I'm wondering about the line "the thinthin creek so nervous,". Is it supposed to be thinthin or is it supposed to be thin? If you do mean thinthin and it isn't a name of something I would suggest writing thin-thin (if you are using it as one adjective) or thin, thin (if you were trying to add emphasis to the notion that it is thin).

Overall this was very good. So good in fact that I (upon reading it) immediately had to fave it, which is a compliment in itself since I rarely fave literature, especially poetry. There is something uber special about this piece although I haven't yet been able to put my finger on what it is... perhaps that is it (a paradox, I know)... maybe it is the fact that I find myself intrigued by it and want to keep rereading it until I figure out what is is that is so special and that is what makes it special (if that made sense).

Wow, you most certainly are a thousand times the poet I am... very rad.


(Ps. I tend to write comments as I think them through so if it doesn't seem that... coherent, logical, linear... that is why :) )
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