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:iconwinterkate: More from winterkate


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All The Poets Come To Life by flummo

Literature by FadingGrin

writing by Hfeather53


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Submitted on
January 11, 2013
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414
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38
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White-knuckled as water
hemlock hanging
onto Queen Anne's
lace perception,

you waver like a screen door, rusty
springs all choked, twisted
inside you. Roughhewn son

of bluegrass summer, flutter forth
on rotten wood heels. Eye
the thin-thin creek so nervous,
while poison wires you

ripe to run.
I am sad.
Add a Comment:
 
:iconthemadmulatto:
TheMadMulatto Featured By Owner Mar 16, 2013
Was shown this piece by a fellow writer, :icongypsy-knight:
Like your refreshing use of words quite a lot. :tribute:
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I'm sorry for the uber-late reply, I've been gone for quite a while.
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:iconthemadmulatto:
TheMadMulatto Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014
No worries. :sun:
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2014  Student Writer
Thanks so much!
Reply
:iconbeeinthebottle:
beeinthebottle Featured By Owner Mar 6, 2013   Writer
I love the language and flow of this.
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 19, 2014  Student Writer
Thank you so much! I really appreciate it.
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 17, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
Lovely, really lovely.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much :D
Reply
:iconcamelopardalisinblue:
camelopardalisinblue Featured By Owner Feb 23, 2013  Hobbyist General Artist
You're welcome. :)
Reply
:iconrobostorm:
robostorm Featured By Owner Jan 22, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
This is simply beautiful. Your use of enjambment was spot on. It worked improved the aesthetics and the overall flow so this is amazingly done technically speaking. Personally (and this is simply personal preference, I would capitalize each line but really that is just me.

I'm wondering about the line "the thinthin creek so nervous,". Is it supposed to be thinthin or is it supposed to be thin? If you do mean thinthin and it isn't a name of something I would suggest writing thin-thin (if you are using it as one adjective) or thin, thin (if you were trying to add emphasis to the notion that it is thin).

Overall this was very good. So good in fact that I (upon reading it) immediately had to fave it, which is a compliment in itself since I rarely fave literature, especially poetry. There is something uber special about this piece although I haven't yet been able to put my finger on what it is... perhaps that is it (a paradox, I know)... maybe it is the fact that I find myself intrigued by it and want to keep rereading it until I figure out what is is that is so special and that is what makes it special (if that made sense).

Wow, you most certainly are a thousand times the poet I am... very rad.


(Ps. I tend to write comments as I think them through so if it doesn't seem that... coherent, logical, linear... that is why :) )
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 23, 2013  Student Writer
Hey, this was actually an excellent critique! I'm definitely going to change the thinthin to thin-thin, that makes more sense and I like to use the visual sharpness of the - sometimes. The specific reason, actually, that I don't capitalize every line is because when I see it it makes me divide every line rhythmically in my head. In a piece with, as you've noted, a lot of enjambment, that sometimes doesn't work as well. Many of the breaks are rhythmic rather than significant. I actually really like your poetry, don't sell yourself short! :) Thank you for the fantastic compliments, though - this was an amazing critique.
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:iconpoet-of-the-north:
Poet-of-the-North Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
Sorry for ur sadness... Trust me, ive been there. Oh and good poem
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks
Reply
:iconpoet-of-the-north:
Poet-of-the-North Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013
Yep
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Jan 20, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Your imagery is beautiful
(don't be sad, dear :hug:)
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 21, 2013  Student Writer
Aww, thank you so much! :) I feel a lot better now, don't worry about me. But thanks for the hug! :hug:
Reply
:icondooiegifappeltjie:
DooieGifAppeltjie Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Traditional Artist
Its ok to wallow in ones own negativity from time to time :) xx
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
I mean, you're right, yeah. Thank you :)
Reply
:icontoxic-nebulae:
toxic-nebulae Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Student Writer
:glomp:
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:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 16, 2013  Student Writer
:hug:
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:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
"you waver like a screen door" this is so wonderfully original. I love it.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much :heart:
Reply
:iconvespera:
vespera Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
:heart:
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:iconnawkaman:
nawkaman Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
Wonderful writing. I particularly like the second stanza.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you ever so much! :D
Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
you waver like a screen door, rusty
springs all choked, twisted
inside you. Roughhewn son

of bluegrass summer, flutter forth
on rotten wood heels.


yes, this is what i mean
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Writer
Brilliant :) yay
Reply
:iconkaitforest:
KaitForest Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
there is something about your writing. is definitely sates and stirs some hunger in me.
:heart:
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Writer
I'm glad :)
Reply
:icongentlemananachronism:
GentlemanAnachronism Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Hobbyist Writer
Simple, beautiful. Really bloody nice work.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much :)
Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013
Short and simple, but meaningful nonetheless. :)
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Student Writer
Thanks so much :)
Reply
:iconsnowjoe72:
snowjoe72 Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013
You're welcome! :)
Reply
:iconsense-and-stupidity:
sense-and-stupidity Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Don't be sad. this is gorgeous.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Aww :) thank you so much. Hey, I've messaged you my Skype username a few times, as per request - are you getting those?
Reply
:iconsense-and-stupidity:
sense-and-stupidity Featured By Owner Jan 11, 2013  Student Writer
Yes, sorry. I'm just super duper distracted.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 12, 2013  Student Writer
Hey, no problem :)
Reply
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