Shop Mobile More Submit  Join Login
+++
i am the wicked edge of ricochet,
the asphyxiation of dust
in a hummingbird's bones. skeleton,
i am silver, grass torn hollow
by a child's breath. corkscrewing,
my veins etch true reflections
on time's skin:

a cardigan crumpled
like a child. Blue
and torn in half.
---
Formatting and imagery play, yay!
Inspired by Flo Rida, because I'm kidnapping Top 50 song titles.

UPDATE (oooh I feel special!)
[link]

A link! A link! Mystery!
Add a Comment:
 
:iconsi1ver-reborn:
Si1VeR-ReBoRn Featured By Owner Jan 13, 2013   Writer
Excellent imagery good job! :)
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much :)
Reply
:iconsi1ver-reborn:
Si1VeR-ReBoRn Featured By Owner Jan 14, 2013   Writer
ur welcome!
Reply
:iconscatteredwords:
scatteredwords Featured By Owner Dec 18, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
skeleton,
i am silver, grass torn hollow
by a child's breath.


Love that.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so much :)
Reply
:iconrandomlyinspired-21:
randomlyinspired-21 Featured By Owner Dec 5, 2012  Student Writer
a cardigan crumpled
like a child. Blue
and torn in half. :,,>

I always love what you write; it's so elegant in its simplest way
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Jan 1, 2013  Student Writer
Thank you so very much :)
Reply
:icondamagedhomewrecker:
DamagedHomewrecker Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
i really love how this reads, and all the imagery is breath taking
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so very much :)
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Nov 27, 2012
Hi. :wave: I'm a reader for #Elocutionists and I read this out loud. I'd love to put it up on our blog ([link]), if that's alright with you. You can listen to my reading here: [link] :heart:

Let me know if you like it. <3 I loved reading it.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Student Writer
Um um um YES wow thank you so much that would be awesome!! I can't hear the reading on my end here at all, but I would be delighted to see the way you interpret it! This is really a huge honor - thank you!
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Nov 30, 2012
It's up! :heart: [link]

If you wouldn't mind adding that link to the description I can submit this to the group gallery. <3
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Student Writer
Awesome! Doing so right now!!
Reply
:icondisrhythmic:
disrhythmic Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012
:heart:
Reply
:iconscfrankles:
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
(Had to look up Flo Rida. I'm middle-aged, you know...) I saw the first line in the thumbnail and was immediately hooked. I love the imagery play. Everything feels as though it's the wrong way round - just as I think I've understood a phrase it twists away from me and inverts itself. ("Corkscrewing" seems like an apt description of the whole poem ^^) "A cardigan crumpled/ like a child" are a couple of lines that really jumped out at me.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
What??? You're middle-aged? I never knew that, lol! Thank you so much for the compliments :) I kind of wanted the poem to twist around a bit - one of the primary images in my head while I was writing was air spiraling through a silver whistle. I sort of wanted to replicate the whole twist-and-scream, if that makes sense. Glad you liked the ending!
Reply
:iconscfrankles:
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Let's just say I'm older than Martin Freeman but younger than Mark Gatiss... (Yes, that old ^_^) Now you've pointed it out (^^") the whistle metaphor seems entirely apt. I've just noticed the pluses and the minuses too: the poem goes from positive to negative - from the initial energy of the air being pushed through the whistle to the point when the air escapes ^^
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Student Writer
Ahahah wow I had always imagined you a college student somewhere! Yeah, the pluses and minuses were in the same vein there - I'm really glad that you noticed it! :D This is awesome.
Reply
:iconscfrankles:
SCFrankles Featured By Owner Nov 29, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
Old people can be intelligent too ^^ (One of the pleasures of being a writer is that you do tend to get better as you get older. It's not always the same for other kinds of artists.)

Just listened to your poem being read aloud ^^ #Elocutionists is such a great group. Poetry is generally at its best being heard not read. It's such a good idea for a group - odd to think no-one had thought of it before ^^
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Dec 3, 2012  Student Writer
Yeah :) I'm really looking forwards to maturing with age! Hopefully, wisdom! Or at least I can claim prerogative. (I'm using that quote somewhere else). I do love read-aloud poetry when done right - and I think she does a very nice job here!
Reply
:icondramira-official:
Dramira-Official Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
I liked this! I'm a fan of dark and macabre imagery. ;)
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so very much! :D I'm glad you liked it!
Reply
:icontotallyuncreativeme:
TotallyUncreativeMe Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
complex, intricate and so amazingly descriptive... wonderful! :D
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
Thank you so much! :D
Reply
:icontotallyuncreativeme:
TotallyUncreativeMe Featured By Owner Nov 26, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
No problem :)
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
Every line was just an incredible image. :clap: 'wicked edge of ricochet' is brilliant. Amazing as per usual, I love it. :heart:
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
Aww, thank you so much! You really don't know how much it means to me that you compliment my work :heart:
Reply
:iconflummo:
flummo Featured By Owner Nov 25, 2012  Student Writer
:blush: :hug:
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 28, 2012  Student Writer
:squee:
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
ohmygosh how can you even create something like this? :love:
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Writer
Lol, I dunno. Practice? Thank you :)
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
this is going to sound weird... but whenever I read your writing, it's like the example. when people tell you to write a certain way, or to use imagery, or to leave an impact- your piece is the way they'd show it.
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Writer
........................AAAAAAaaaaaaaaaaaauuuuuuuuuuuuggggggggggggggAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaa excuse me while I go shriek unintelligibly in a corner.

But seriously, thank you.

:D :D :D
Reply
:iconintricately-ordinary:
intricately-ordinary Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Hobbyist Writer
you're more than welcome :hug:
Reply
:iconsense-and-stupidity:
sense-and-stupidity Featured By Owner Nov 23, 2012  Student Writer
I like it! A LOT! (wow...caps lock)
Reply
:iconwinterkate:
winterkate Featured By Owner Nov 24, 2012  Student Writer
Haha, thank you!!
Reply
Add a Comment:
 
×

:iconwinterkate: More from winterkate


Featured in Collections

writing by Hfeather53


More from DeviantArt



Details

Submitted on
November 23, 2012
File Size
425 bytes
Link
Thumb

Stats

Views
763
Favourites
31 (who?)
Comments
36
×