I really like the poem itself, but I think the messiness of the blackout takes away from it a bit. I think if it was neater, like if you highlighted each blacked out word more solidly it would come off much more powerfully.
Yeah, it took me a minute to actually figure it out. At first I was like "Whaaaaat????" , but then I was like "Awww yeah." Lol, sorry, I'm trying to start using more deviantART emoticons to be more expressive in my journals and comments.