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RealityI refuse to write one more word
I refuse to open one more
That's why we have bandages; so
we don't have to look.
We can just trust
it gets better
and turn away.
Slow-drag with sorrow
I refuse to participate
in that old dance with death
the three-step guilt waltz.
The white flag of surrender
lights nightly in my dreams
the tattered, torn paper
that blazes like the moon
when I look in the mirror, still burning
grinning like my own skeleton
Blue glasses askew, one frame
bent out of place. Messy hair,
always running, a constant
lisping stutter. He had one real girlfriend; she dumped him
by text. "I never loved you. It was all
a dare." Red jumpers
with black shoes. His dad
beat him nightly. One night
he placed the note on his desk
(the note he'd had since sixth grade, just in case)
walked like a zombie up to the yawning mouth
and went back to bed
I refuse to write one more word
about suicide. If I
never wrote it, it
MEi. I fell in love with a girl who catalogued darkness,
sat in her room with the blinds closed and wrote down
187 ways it felt
in all of the different times she couldn't see.
My name was one of them,
#143, ash velvet, and I didn't know what she meant at the time
but the only description she wrote beneath it
was good night for stuffed animals
bad night for worn pillows.
And I'm sorry I made you dream of the rivers.
ii. I fell in love with a girl who never looked in the mirror
but dressed to perfection, somehow
in her blue skirt and black socks
white tennis shoes
and a smile crooked as the bottom side of Indiana
yeah, I fell in love with a girl
who could never quite get it straight but hey,
I've never been 100% straight either,
and the one corkscrew curl you have
opens me up like fine wine
each time I see you smile in that cracked bathroom mirror.
Makes me half-drunk,
iii. I fell in love with a girl who was depressed by Paris,
but loved Italy beca
and again she can't sleep. It's the sadness,
she thinks, the memories like bad pennies
that keep turning up, burying her
under all of the debts she will never repay.
At times she tastes tears, alone in the darkness,
when the world refracts blearily
and the last of the light warps and
slips away. Sometimes, in these times,
she laughs like spent soda cans,
hollow and grating, waiting for recollection
to crush her and bend her and tear her inside.
Sometimes, in these times, she screams frightening things
all of the words that she never did say.
Stop no, please get off, please just
go away. The letters, the syllables,
they echo inside of her
like bullets (she wishes he's spared one
on her) But mostly it's just sadness,
the hollow inside,
and in the silver moonlight she takes off her shirt
looks at her bare chest in the mirror,
scribbles script with her fingers
here there be monsters
and here they will prey.
Sad is such a small word.Sad
a small word.
Pedants try to
expand it. To
with crammed letters; lugubrious,
a small word.
could slip it
in your pocket.
could slip me
in your pocket too,
Astronauti.238,900 miles away
the Earth gleams in the darkness.
A cat's eye, opalescent blue
flecked with terra verdant,
fifty-two cream colors
Under a heavy lid of night,
it glares. Angry.
As if to say to the Sun:
I was dreaming
of all the fish
in my seas.
As if to ask why
it had to be woken.
Thoughts are protozoan here;
with glass-thin skin
transparent as the first lie
he ever told as a child.
I didn't steal that candy bar.
He can see the mechanics,
They divide like dreams,
Whole and unbroken
as they tear apart. If
he could stretch far enough,
he could pop his home planet
like soap bubble.
he's too small
to make much
of a difference.
238,900 miles away,
there is a small click.
A tiny latch
as his 14-year-old daughter
slides her seatbelt
She's learning how to drive,
and how to feel a new kind of terror.
of collision. Of bone
or brick breaking,
CurlsI brushed my hair this
morning like always three
heart-attack strokes jerking
strands into place trekked
to school after and dreamed
through class nightmares
all shot through with gaps
like this poem which you
thought had a point but is
too sick stuffed with holy
to be worth anything at all.
a.m.She'd heard that after an attempt some people see the world differently
The chemicals or wiring changes and they see the everything differently.
But she felt the same.
She couldn't even do this right.
Don't Let GoRestrained by insecurity, she is hard to love.
Her heart however, hides a passion unknown.
An unforeseen utopia, and still so much more.
The problem, huge hearts make easy targets.
The strategy is simple though, easy to learn.
Follow this formula and you'll find your forever.
Hold her tight through all of the happy times,
and the fighting and the anger, don't let go.
If you feel her falling take her hand in yours.
When you feel like she is letting go, catch her.
Protect her with your arms when she is scared.
When she is sad, especially then, don't let go.
Don't let her walk away, even if she wants to.
Bravery is an act, nobody wants to be alone.
It will take work, but the reward is her heart.
And she will treasure you, but don't ever let go.
Ending it...He's tired of life
And all that shit
He dove for a knife
to end it
But instead he found a gun
Amongst his fathers things
This way will be more fun
he said with a grin
Locked and loaded.
He set it to his head
Pulled the trigger
and filled his brain with lead
He thought he'd go to heaven
But he descended into hell
he realized then the choice he made
it didn't go so well
A girl had followed him there
He remembered her so well
they had held hands and kissed
in love they had fell
Why was she here already?
Did she die so soon?
Or was she so in love,
she followed him into his doom?
Indeed she had
followed him to hell
this girl he loved
and knew so well
She'd always been an angel
in everything she said
he asked her how she got here
and how she was already dead
She said she couldn't live without him
and decided to leave as well
she swallowed some pills
a went straight to hell
She smiled as she said that
as if she was so proud
he thought to himself
how could my death be so loud?
He didn't unders
StayIt's funny how emotions move
How we're ruined by things we cannot prove.
Your image is burned inside my head
Along with all the lovely, broken words that you said.
How can this be wrong when it feels so good?
I know you won't stay but I wish you would.
Oh, I wish you would, I wish you would.
I don't think I can live without your face,
So I'll suffocate in this forsaken place.
I'll give you my heart for you to heal
As you refuse and reject what you feel.
How can you hate this when it feels so good?
I know you won't stay but I wish you would.
Oh, I wish you could, I wish you would.
You're scared because there is no cure
And you've never known something that feels so pure.
But running and hiding won't take it away
Oh, god, oh god, I wish you'd stay.
How can this be gone when it felt so good?
I wish you hadn't left, but I knew you would
Oh, I knew you would, I knew you would.
Since You Took Your Love AwayHolding you so gently
I wouldn't have believed
And after all we've been through
Why did you have to leave?
What happened to forever?
Is nothing made to last
My whole world is broken
And I'm fading fast
...I'm fading fast
I need someone to save me
You won't know 'til you've been in love
I need to find a way back
But I don't know if I'm strong enough
I'm trying to forgive you
But it's so hard to say
And after all we've been through
It's hard to find a way
I'm trying not to hate you
For pushing me aside
Now my heart is broken
And it's hard to hide
...It's so hard to hide
I need someone to save me
You don't know 'til you've been in love
It's hard to find a way back
And I don't know if I'm strong enough
And though I'm running for yesterday
I guess there's really nothing left to say
'Cos now it's just a memory
Since you took your love away
Since you took your love away...
Extra, extra: read all about it!If you're unfamiliar with these outstanding writers, then you must get yourself acquainted with them now. Seriously, send them your love!
the sea is just a wetter version of the sky. by solis-ortus
l'appel du vide by ambulances
Daybreak by haphazardmelody
insomniac? by rigor-samsa
She mattersShe unloaded her pistol and untied her noose
She dropped her razor blades, threw them away too
She wiped up the blood that she had on her skin
She lifted her head up, ready to start again
She descended her heart to me like an angel from above
After holding on to life, she finally found love
Something changed inside her and she decided to live
She had heart a full of joy and a lot of love to give
She wiped away her tears and held a smile on her face
Now she's happy here with me and we found a better place
She thought no one would miss her, they'd just leave her be
Now she knows that she matters, because she matters to me
this time with feeling.i.
if ever there was a contouring god
curving in the narrow
carving through stained
glass & abrasive darkness,
would shine in praise
i thought only
of religion before
i met you, gray
eyes & wingless,
pockets as empty as
'fix is a word i
don't believe in anymore.'
i cough up these
dashboard dreams, but
the pavement gags on them, too.
angry and dry-carcassed
the starry window.
from the passenger
seat, i watch
the white street lines
follow us, you:
of the heart,
of the moon, blur
beneath my grasp
on the door
handle as you drive
gusto' you said, and
i carve into myself.
with venom you
and spew some-
thing about pot,
and i tell you no -
this time, firmly.
Evening childWe’d sit on porch steps
Insecticide burning our lungs
Awkward and gangly attempting to grow into our limbs
You with freckles dusting your nose and I with a small dot on my cheek
You called it a beauty spot and I said god was too lazy to give me freckles
We were 15 and lust driven amnesiacs
Dissolving our flesh with cheap gin in your tree house
Throwing pebbles at the sky hoping to shatter it
We were an epidemic of the underdog prognosis
Playing encores to an audience of cowards
For some reason we’d always rush across rail way tracks
Metal bars quivering and our broken sneakers stumbling
We were branded in mistakes and embellished in thin silvery scars
Battle scars we’d say laughing because there was nothing else to do
a dangerous hallucinationThe light coming through the window was bright,
much too bright.
Even though my eyes were closed
I could see it-
The skin of my arms prickled,
sweat dripped from my brow.
It was two in the afternoon but…
the sun was setting
through the window facing east.
I should have seen the hutch,
shelves lined with bone china
decorated with delicate leaves and vines.
I was so thirsty
and reaching for cups that should have been there.
Instead I found a billboard of butterflies,
the colors raging
more than any rainbow
I'd ever seen.
Their wings fluttered and flashed
yet somehow they moved in slow motion.
I wanted to stand,
wanted to reach out and touch them but…
I couldn't move,
and yet I laughed
ignoring my dry mouth
and the tingling in my feet.
There was a tempest
on the rise
and in my blood.
A sugar rush disguised
as a riot of butterflies
and they were swarming me.
There was a small vial
of insulin in my pocket
that I nev
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scheinbar is a much-loved and well-known deviant. Just one look at her gallery, filled with enchanting photography, will have you mesmerized. A deviant for over 7 years, Christiane can always be found posting inspirational features as well as regularly commenting on other deviations and encouraging and empowering her fellow deviants. We are inspired and insist that you too stop by and congratulate ... Read More